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Million Dollar Listing

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Let me preface this by saying that I don’t really believe in the whole idea of guilty pleasures.

If you like “The Real Housewives,” there’s no shame in that.

A big fan of the Situation and Snooki on MTVs “The Jersey Shore?” I say, live and let live.

That said, lately I have been watching an inordinate amount of HGTV, the real estate and home improvement cable channel. It’s so easy to become obsessed with shows like “House Hunters” and “Selling New York.” They let you into a fantasy world that most middle class folks would normally never see.

Hyper-aggressive brokers drive around in Porsches, wear $28,000 watches and strut around town in Louboutin high heels. They make selling ultra-luxury homes look easy. And it keeps me wondering what it takes exactly to sell a house with a million-dollar price tag in a tough real estate market?

With that, I proceeded on my quest to sell a condo apartment in Astoria, Queens. Well, not really on my own. I’m the apprentice. My mentor is Collin Xie, an ambitious young realtor with an impressive portfolio, which accumulated more than $20 million in sales since he entered the business in 2006.

“Selling real estate is simple, not easy,” Collin said. “Boy, I sure wish it was easy money. You stick a sign in the yard, open a few doors, fill out some paperwork and voilà here’s your big fat commissions check. One of the biggest misconceptions about real estate agent. Put it in your article.”

Hao Cheng on the balcony of a million dollar apartment. / Hao Cheng

On a very hot Friday evening in early August, Collin called and asked me to meet him at the property. After a long taxi ride that cost me $36 from my home in Downtown Brooklyn, to 31st Avenue in Astoria. There I was in front of a newly built waterfront condo. I was all dressed up in a navy suit, white shirt and cognac wingtip lace-up shoes.

Making a good first impression has never been my strong suit. I could feel my palms and feet sweating profusely. As the moment drew near, I was filled up anticipation and excitement.

“Let me lead the conversation,” Collin said. “No seller wants to entrust their most important transaction to a rookie. Not to mention this is a million-dollar deal.”

Collin usually asks for a six percent commission, split 50-50 with a buyer’s agent. In this case he could earn $30,000. If he’s lucky and finds a qualified buyer himself, then he’d pocket the entire $60,000. As his sidekick, I get zero.

As I walked in the front door of the top-floor penthouse apartment, I couldn’t help but utter a near–universal reaction: “Wow.”

The 1,209 square-foot two-bedroom unit was lit up in the sunset, with golden crimson rays of light shining through floor-to-ceiling picture windows. A huge wraparound balcony offered panoramic views of the East River and Manhattan skyline. Granite countertops, marble baths, 24-hour doorman, gym, valet parking. All the bells and whistles of a million dollar property.

The big $1.1 million price tag makes the apartment a hard sell. It’s been sitting on the market for more than 400 days without any intriguing interest.

Step one to get it sold is to lower the asking price.

Two days before the meeting, I learned how to use the Multiple Listing Service, a database that contains all the pertinent information regarding properties a real estate company has for sale. It’s crucial for agents and brokers to compile a comparative market analysis which is a detailed report examining the homes currently on the market, under contract and recently sold to properly gauge what a property is worth in the current market.

I could tell the seller was not impressed with my report, although I went the extra mile to add all the photos, maps and similar selling features about the comparable. It’s because of the numbers. He’s selling the apartment at about $1,000 per square foot, but successful sellers in the neighbourhood usually go for $800-$900 range.

“$995,000,” Collin said. “If you want to sell it quickly, price it below market value and you will generate so much interest. You might end up getting more than you wanted.”

We got an exclusive listing contract for six months, 15 minutes later, but there’s no time to celebrate.

I began stage two of my condo-selling quest, for the next few days I anticipated every detail that would prevent a buyer from purchasing the condo.

Luckily, the seller’s girlfriend attends Parsons School of Design and the apartment looks incredibly chic. No need to paint or stage the apartment.

Collin sent me a long to-do list, a step-by-step guide to prepare the sale: Line up a cleaning service, make a virtual tour and take professional photos for the week before the apartment is listed. Call the management company to confirm the building’s open house policy; make sure every detail about the apartment is accurately and beautifully described in all the online ads, show sheets and mailing postcards. Contact a mortgage specialist to do a handout with different mortgage rates and what the monthly payments would be at various rates before and after tax deductions. Advertise the apartment on Craigslist to get some direct buyers, just to name a few.

I was exhausted. I dozed off on the Q train from Astoria to Brooklyn and woke up in Coney Island.

Later, brokers and buyers started calling and e-mailing. The apartment had officially hit the market. And it moved smoothly to stage three: waiting for a strong offer and close the deal.

Collin spent some $2,000 out of his own pocket for advertising in The New York Times, buying food and drinks for open houses and hiring a photographer. It’s an investment, but there’s a big chance he won’t get the money back.

After 15 days on the market, we got the first serious buyer.

“$850,000 is a lowball offer,” Collin tried to reason with the buyer’s agent on the phone. “We already have two other offers on the table. No bullshit. Yours is the lowest.”

The buyer didn’t take the bait and came up with more.

“Be patient,” Collin said. “There is a buyer for every property.”

But I can’t get a good night sleep. I’m constantly checking my phone and computer for messages. I’m a worrier. I don’t know how Collin does it. I must say I have a newfound respect for real estate agents now.

I also have to give HGTV a lot of credit. In reality, a million dollar listing has very low entertainment value. And it seems that my quest for selling the apartment will drag on until the end of the year.


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